" Oh God, will she smile, what will I do.....leave that you moron....How are you looking....eh you used deodorant?...Yess...Aye Aye...everything fine....don't look like a stupid silly..." Thoughts like these were sweeping across my mind as every moment passed. I was waiting outside her apartment in Kolkata where she lived with her other colleagues. It was the first time I was going to meet her in person and even though we had spent numerous nights on video chats in the two years of this long distance relationship, the idea of seeing her standing in front of me had same nervousness I felt before each interview,viva,or an exam for which I went unprepared! She wanted to talk to me on something important!
The road was crowded, the steel gate of her apartment was looking like the gate of Colosseum beyond which lay my fate."Oh , it has to be so much hot...Kolkata you are killing me" ....Something like butterflies in my body. Please I am waiting, where are you.I heard something, what was that? Oh my God someone was coming towards the gates."Come on dear you had to take half an hour to come out" a smile on my face, I was unable to control those silly muscles. A Bollywood line with Mohit Chauhan singing in my mind"Chehre ki rangat badal rahi hai teri sohbat mein....."Oh how can a typical Indian forget Bollywood at this time. The gate screeched...I tried to glance past it...it was a blue dress, Oh she would be looking lovely. My face had grin of an innocent toddler. It was her. It was her? Nah, it was...it was her roommate. I looked at her. Yes I remember grin was still there. I looked at her like a dog looks at his master when he is about to give him biscuit.
"Listen, She doesn't want to come out. She likes that Utkarsh from her firm. You are good... I mean you are an IITian and all.... but still...try to understand. You are immature. So please just leave. please don't make a scene here......." I was dumbstruck..no I was not or was I....nonreactive..inert like nobel gases...Nobel..eh that's what I should do....She was still continuously saying something which my mind had rejected to hear.
"Bu..But...Ut..Utkarshh...yes I...yes yes I completely understand..no need to call guard bhaiya..I am leaving...yeaah sure...not a problem...at least could I see her? But we talked today...Ok Ok....you take care"
I turned and started walking away from her, away from the apartment, away from the world that was mine or at least I thought so.I felt warm ball inside my heart or was my chest burning? Something gripping my head, was it a gargoyle of the Gotham city? No no it must be the heat. Horns blared around me while I was still puzzled. Felt a drop, a cold drop on my cheeks...Oh tears...when was the last time I cried...Oh it was the match, the football match sprain...Vinod had helped me, held me while I was in agony ...yes there were tears then too. But this time something was different, something was deep, something was painful like....like what. Oh I know it was how the car felt in physics problems of Resnick Hallidey....the car at a crash test site, sudden decelerating . Was it blood?.. nopes it was tears...why, it felt like blood for sure.
It has been an year since. Thoughts of suicide, abuse, acid throwing, killing her... everything has passed once for sure.But I have to live my life. A life which could have been better if she was in it, but..but whatever..this life is not hers to abrogate. I have to live life for my parents friends and most importantly for me. Yes I know I have been cursed like Sisyphus but this is how I choose to live.
The road was crowded, the steel gate of her apartment was looking like the gate of Colosseum beyond which lay my fate."Oh , it has to be so much hot...Kolkata you are killing me" ....Something like butterflies in my body. Please I am waiting, where are you.I heard something, what was that? Oh my God someone was coming towards the gates."Come on dear you had to take half an hour to come out" a smile on my face, I was unable to control those silly muscles. A Bollywood line with Mohit Chauhan singing in my mind"Chehre ki rangat badal rahi hai teri sohbat mein....."Oh how can a typical Indian forget Bollywood at this time. The gate screeched...I tried to glance past it...it was a blue dress, Oh she would be looking lovely. My face had grin of an innocent toddler. It was her. It was her? Nah, it was...it was her roommate. I looked at her. Yes I remember grin was still there. I looked at her like a dog looks at his master when he is about to give him biscuit.
"Listen, She doesn't want to come out. She likes that Utkarsh from her firm. You are good... I mean you are an IITian and all.... but still...try to understand. You are immature. So please just leave. please don't make a scene here......." I was dumbstruck..no I was not or was I....nonreactive..inert like nobel gases...Nobel..eh that's what I should do....She was still continuously saying something which my mind had rejected to hear.
"Bu..But...Ut..Utkarshh...yes I...yes yes I completely understand..no need to call guard bhaiya..I am leaving...yeaah sure...not a problem...at least could I see her? But we talked today...Ok Ok....you take care"
I turned and started walking away from her, away from the apartment, away from the world that was mine or at least I thought so.I felt warm ball inside my heart or was my chest burning? Something gripping my head, was it a gargoyle of the Gotham city? No no it must be the heat. Horns blared around me while I was still puzzled. Felt a drop, a cold drop on my cheeks...Oh tears...when was the last time I cried...Oh it was the match, the football match sprain...Vinod had helped me, held me while I was in agony ...yes there were tears then too. But this time something was different, something was deep, something was painful like....like what. Oh I know it was how the car felt in physics problems of Resnick Hallidey....the car at a crash test site, sudden decelerating . Was it blood?.. nopes it was tears...why, it felt like blood for sure.
It has been an year since. Thoughts of suicide, abuse, acid throwing, killing her... everything has passed once for sure.But I have to live my life. A life which could have been better if she was in it, but..but whatever..this life is not hers to abrogate. I have to live life for my parents friends and most importantly for me. Yes I know I have been cursed like Sisyphus but this is how I choose to live.
Everything is gr8 about this article except that it prevails reader to hate you in the last paragraph,whatever it was,but acid throwing..naa...
ReplyDeleteI admire your opinion, but that is the state of a saddened mind which plans revenge in his head sometimes. Although he might dismiss that gruesome option.
DeleteP.S. : I am also hating that idea !!